John and Nan

Odds and Ends

Recipes
Consumer Reports Chili
Lazy Day Stew
Y Tuna Kasserole
Pea Salad (Mom's)
Marble Squares
Maid-Rite Sandwich (Mom's)
Original Maid-Rite
Old Celtic Turkey Recipe
Poems
Jabberwocky
Der Jammerwoch
Ozymandias
Sotally Tober
If
Cats
Get Drunk!
Useless Info
Engineers vs. The Eons
Bumper Stickers
Defense Contractor Humor

 

Consumer Reports Chili

1 lb. ground beef
1 clove garlic
1 lg. onion
4 tbl. chili powder
1 tsp. cider vinegar
1/4 tsp. allspice
1/4 tsp. coriander
1 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 cup water
16 oz tomato
16 oz kidney beans (with liquid)
1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper (to taste)
Simmer 45 minutes.

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Lazy Day Stew (Quinn House)

1 1/2 lb. lean beef cubes
6 carrots
2 med. onions
6 oz tomato paste
13 3/4 oz beef broth
5 potatoes
4 ribs celery
2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. basil
1 tbl minced parsley
1 bay leaf
Combine all dry ingredients in 3 qt Dutch oven. Stir in tomato paste & broth.
Cover & bake at 300 degrees for 4 hours. Remove bay leaf

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Y Tuna Kasserole

- Cook 4-5 oz pasta; drain & set aside.
- Combine 1/2 cup Mayo & 1/2 cup milk or dry white wine.
- Stir in 1 can "cream of" soup (mushroom, celery, shrimp).
- Add 1 cup shredded cheese (Swiss & cheddar) & 1/2 tsp. seasoning
(dry mustard, dill weed).
- Stir in 1/2 cup of black olives.
- Stir in the cooked pasta & 6-8 oz drained canned fish or seafood
(tuna, crab, shrimp).
- Pour into 1 1/2 qt. casserole. Cover & bake at 350 degrees for 1/2 hour.
- Uncover & sprinkle with crunchy topping (buttered bread
crumbs, cracker crumbs, French fried onions, crushed potato chips).
- Bake 5 minutes more. Makes 6 servings.

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Pea Salad (Mom's)

1 can peas (drained)
1 tbs. sweet pickle relish
1/2 cup shredded cheese
Mayo to taste

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Marble Squares

1 8-oz. pkg. Cream Cheese
2 1/3 cups sugar
3 eggs
3/4 cup water
1/2 cup margarine
1 1/2 1-oz. squares unsweetened
chocolate
2 cups flower
1/2 cup dairy sour cream
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 6-oz. pkg. semi-sweet
chocolate pieces

Combine softened cream cheese
and 1/3 cup sugar, mixing
until well blended. Blend in 1 egg.
In saucepan, combine water,
margarine and chocolate; bring to boil.
Remove from heat. Add remaining
sugar and flour; mix well. Blend in
remaining eggs, sour cream, baking
soda and salt. Pour into greased and
floured 15-1/2 X 10-1/2-inch jelly
roll pan. Spoon cream cheese mixture
over chocolate batter. Cut through
batter with knife several times for
marble effect; sprinkle with chocolate
pieces. Bake at 375, 25 to 30 minutes
or until wooden pick comes out clean.
Cool; cut into squares.

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Maid-Rite Sandwich (Mom's)

1/2 cup chopped onions (browned)
Vegetable oil or shortening
1 pound ground beef
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 (14 1/2-ounce) can condensed chicken gumbo soup
2 tablespoons prepared mustard
2 tablespoons ketchup
8 hamburger buns

In a large skillet, slowly cook onions in oil until brown. Add beef, salt, undiluted soup, mustard and ketchup. Cook over medium heat, breaking up beef as it browns. Adjust heat so that mixture
simmers and cook for 30 minutes. Serve on hamburger buns.
Yield: 8 sandwiches.

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Original Maid-Rite

"A Maid-Rite is like a sloppy Joe, except with no tomatoes," wrote Mary Gassaway of St. Louis.
"Some places served ketchup with Maid-Rites, but not on them unless
asked for." She clipped the following recipe from a newspaper article.

1 pound ground beef
2 tablespoons vinegar (not white)
1 tablespoon instant minced onion
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups boiling water
8 hamburger buns

Brown meat lightly; drain fat. Add vinegar, onion and salt. Stir well. Add
boiling water. Cover and simmer until meat is tender.
Serve on hamburger buns.
Yield: 8 sandwiches

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Old Celtic Turkey Recipe

STEP 1: GO BUY A TURKEY
STEP 2: TAKE A DRINK OF WHISKEY (SCOTCH)
STEP 3: PUT TURKEY IN THE OVEN
STEP 4: TAKE ANOTHER 2 DRINKS OF WHISKEY
STEP 5: SET THE DEGREE AT 375 OVENS
STEP 6: TAKE 3 MORE WHISKEYS OF DRINK
STEP 7: TURN OVEN ON
STEP 8: TAKE 4 WHISKS OF DRINKY
STEP 9: TURK THE BASTEY
STEP 10: WHISKEY ANOTHER BOTTLE OF GET
STEP 11: STICK A TURKEY IN THE THERMOMETER
STEP 12: GLASS YOURSELF A POUR OF WHISKEY
STEP 13: BAKE THE WHISKEY FOR HOURS
STEP 14: TEST THE LURKEY FOR NUMBNESS
STEP 15: TAKE THE OVER OUT OF THE LURKEY
STEP 16: FLOOR THE LURKEY UP OFF OF THE PICK
STEP 17: TURK THE CARVEY
STEP 18: GET YOURSELF NUTHER SCOTTLE OF BOTCH
STEP 19: TET THE SABLE AND POUR YOURSELF A GLASS OF TURKEY
STEP 20: BLESS THE SAYING, PASS AND EAT OUT.

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Engineers vs. The Eons
:or - How Long Will our Monuments Last? (after abandonment)
from Smithsonian, March 1984

- World Trade Center, New York, NY
Not more than 1,000 years, due to tidal waters rusting beams in basements.

- Gateway Arch, St. Louis, MO
After several hundred years of corrosion a tornado could snap the arch at 300 foot point. 300 foot pillars could probably stand for another 5,000 years.

- Grand Coulee Dam on the Columbia River, Washington State
Could be destroyed by glaciers in the next ice age. The generators would stop within a week of abandonment. (Main generators) Three station service generators could last for months, perhaps several years. Floods caused by ice age could destroy structure. Next ice age probably between 20,000 and one million years.

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Jabberwocky

'Twas brilig and the slithv toves,
Did gyre and gimbal in the wabe.
All mimsey were the Borogoves
And the Mome Raths outgrabe.

Beware the Jabberwock my son,
The jaws that bite, the claws that
catch.
Beware the Jub-Jub Bird and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch.

He took his Vorpal sword in hand.
Long time the maxome foe he sought.
So rested he by the Tum-Tum tree,
And stood a while in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwok, with eyes of flame,
Came wiffling through the tulgy wood,
And burbled as it came.

One two! One two! And through and
through,
His Vorpal blade went snicker-snak.
He left it dead, and with it's head,
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwok?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
Or frabjous day! Calou! Calay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brilig and the slithy toves,
Did gyre and gimbal in the wabe.
All mimsey were the Borogoves
And the Mome Raths outgrabe.

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DER JAMMERWOCH

Es brillig war Die schlichte Toven
Wirrten und wimmelten in Waben;
Und aller-mumsige Burggoven
Die mohmen Raths ausgraben.

Bewahre doch wor Jammerwoch!
Die Zahne Knirschen, krallen krutzen!
Bewahre vor Jubjub-Vogel, vor
Frumiosen Banderschatzchen!

Er griff sein vorpals Schwertchen zu
Er suchte Lang das munchsam Ding;
Dann, steheud unten Tum-Tum Baum,
Eran-zu-denken-fing.

Als stander tief in Anduct auf;
Des Jammerwochen's Augen-feurer
Durch tulgen Wald mit wiftek kam
Ein burbelnd ungehear!

Eins Zwei! Eins Zwei! Und durch uis
Sein vorpals Schwert zer schifer-let,
Dublieb es todt! Er, koph in Hand,

Eins Zwei! Eins Zwei! Und durch und durch
Sein vorpals Schwert zer schifer-schnuck,
Dublieb es todt! Er, koph in Hand,
Gelaumfig zog zuruck.

Und schlugst Du ju den Jammerwoch?
Umurme mich, mien Bohm sches kind!
0 Freuden-Tag! 0 Hulloo-Schlag!
Er chortelt froh-gesinnt.

Es brillig war Die schlichte Toven
Wirrten und wimmelten in Waben;
Und aller-mumsige Burggoven
Die mohmen Raths ausgraben.

Translation by Robert Scott

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Ozymandias *

I met a traveler from and antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert... near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on those lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

* Greek name for the Egyptian monarch Ramses II
(13th century BCE), who is said to have erected
a great statue of himself.

Percy Byshe Shelley

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Sotally Tober

Starkle, starkle, little twink,
Who the hell are you. I think?
I'm not under what they call
The affuence of incohol.
I'm not drunk as thinkle peep,
I'm just a little slort of sheep.
Tee many martoonies make a guy
Feel so foolish - don't know why.
Really don't know who's me yet,
The drunker I stay the longer I get;
So, one more fink to drill my cup,
I've all day sober to Sunday up.

Author Unknown
from Skeptical Inquirer Jan/Feb 1999
Letter from Judith Hayes

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If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

RUDYARD KIPLING

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Cats

Fevered lovers and austere thinkers
Love equally, in their ripe season
Cats powerful and gentle, pride of the house
Like them they feel the cold, like them are sedentary

Friends of science and sensuality
They seek the silence and the horror of the shadows
Erebus had taken them for its funeral coursers
Could they to servitude incline their pride.

Dreaming, they take on noble postures
Great sphinxes stretched out in the depths of emptiness
Seeming to fall asleep into an endless dream.

Their fertile loins are full of magic sparks
And nuggets of gold like fine sand
Vaguely bestir their mystic pupils.

Charles Baudelaire

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Get Drunk!

One should always be drunk. That's all that matters;
that's our one imperative need. So as not to feel Time's
horrible burden one which breaks your shoulders and bows
you down, you must get drunk without cease.

But with what?
With wine, poetry, or virtue
as you choose.
But get drunk.

And if, at some time, on steps of a palace,
in the green grass of a ditch,
in the bleak solitude of your room,
you are waking and the drunkenness has already abated,
ask the wind, the wave, the stars, the clock,
all that which flees,
all that which groans,
all that which rolls,
all that which sings,
all that which speaks,
ask them, what time it is;
and the wind, the wave, the stars, the birds, and the clock,
they will all reply:

"It is time to get drunk!

So that you may not be the martyred slaves of Time,
get drunk, get drunk,
and never pause for rest!
With wine, poetry, or virtue,
as you choose!"

Charles Baudelaire

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Bumper Stickers

Please don't tell my Mom you saw me at a dog show
She thinks I play piano in a whore house

Everything is controlled by a small, evil, conspiracy
of which, unfortunately, no one we know is a member

The teenaged delinquent driving this car
had sex with your honor student

Driver carries only $20 worth of ammunition

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. . .
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car

Eschew obfuscation

D.A.R.E. Drugs Are Really Expensive

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Defense Contractor Humor

This was allegedly actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not (have a sense of humor), and made the web department take it down immediately.


Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.
In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments
to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop
new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen.
[_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other

First Name: .....................................................
Initial: ........
Last Name: ......................................................
Password: .............................. (max 8 char)
Code Name: ......................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ........... ..........

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....... / ....... /......

4. Serial Number:................................................

5. Please check where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalog showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas
product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Central / South America
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq

9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
(Check all that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
[_] Postal Worker

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate
the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / disinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to
receive mailings and special offers from other companies,
governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to
win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

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